


Mayonnaise Surprise

by ChiBi_anne, Mutakan



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Drunkenness, Food Kink, Food Sex, M/M, Mutakan is sorry, woman bashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-25
Updated: 2014-04-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 14:07:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1691051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChiBi_anne/pseuds/ChiBi_anne, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mutakan/pseuds/Mutakan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the first chapter Logan and Remy go to the kitchen to make a sandwich after an intense battle, and things get a little steamy.</p><p> </p><p>Disclaimer: I don't own or make money off the X-Men I just like to play with them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter 1

Chapter 1

One chilly morning in the kitchen of the X-men mansion Logan, and Remy walk in after extensive battle training. “Remy t’ink he hungry” Remy walks over to the refrigerator opening it “How about Remy makes his cher an himself some sandwiches, non?”

Logan sits at the table, “Whatever!” he growls, frustrated at losing to Remy again; “Hey Gumbo, you know using that charm power is cheating.” 

Remy grabs the bread, “Remy no use his charm, cher.”

‘That’s true’ thought Logan to himself not wanting to admit the real reason he lost was because he was looking at Remy in his tight workout outfit. It had made him hard with need, and he hadn’t been able to concentrate on anything else. At the very thought of how the uniform fit on Remy, he started to get hard again.

Remy saunters over to where Logan is sitting, and sets the sandwich ingredients on the table. He turns away and walks back to the fridge. He reaches up to the cupboard above it to grab two napkins. The shirt he had changed into after training slides up and reveals the strong straining muscles in his back.

Logan mutters under his breath, “Is it hot in here or is it just you.”

“Wha’, cher?” Remy asks as he looks over his shoulder thinking he had heard him say something.

“Oh nothing just said it was hot in here.” Logan lifts off his shirt, and throw's it behind him. Remys gaze drifts over Logan’s bare muscular chest for a few seconds, before he forces his whole body to turn, and walk back to the table dropping the napkins onto an empty spot on the table. Remy smacks his hand on his forehead, “Remy needs a knife he forgot.”

“I will get it.” growls Logan in sexual frustration that he had brought upon himself. The scent of Remys skin wasn’t helping matters for him. Standing up he walked to a near by drawer that was sticking out partly open. ‘who would leave this drawer open? I live in a house full of idiots.’ Grabbing a knife he slammed the drawer closed, before walking back over to where Remy stood with his back to him. Logan reached both arms around Remy, setting the knife on the table he couldn’t help himself. Remy bit his lower lip feeling Logan’s hot breath on the back of his neck. “You smell so good.” murmured Logan he didn’t want to hold back from touching Remy any longer he tilted his head so he could kiss the back of his neck.

Remy turns in Logans arms, and loops one arm around Logan’s neck. His other hand reaches down, and back into the mayonnaise jar sitting on the table. Bringing up two fingers slick with mayonnaise he traces Logans lips so his lips were soon coated in mayonnaise. Sticking out his tongue, he traces the mayonnaise on Logan’s lips. “Mmm…” he moans licking the lips clean of the substance.

Logan parts his lips invitingly as the smaller man finishes cleaning him up. Remy takes advantage of the offer allowing his tongue to plunge into his mouth, soon their tongues were in a battle of dominance. Logan couldn’t stop a moan from escaping, when Remy withdrew from the kiss so he could nip at his upper lip. Logan pulls his mouth away from Remy, and takes hold of the hand that had touched his lips just moments before. He brings the fingers still slick with mayonnaise to his mouth, and starts to lick them clean. He finally drops the hand, and leans in getting ready to kiss Remy again, but the other man jerks his head away. “No Remy wanna finish lunch first.”

Logan dropped his arms from around him, and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “I don’t want lunch!” he snarled grabbing him by the shoulders, and spinning him so he could push him against the wall instead of the unsteady table. He slammed his mouth down on Remy’s. The smaller man grunts in surprise, but opens his mouth for Logan he loved it when he got dominant. Logan accepts his invitation, and glides his tongue into his mouth. Their tongues tangled erotically with each other then started thrusting together. Logan ground himself against his lover, before breaking the kiss and pulling Remy away from the wall and pushing him towards the stairs. “Remy needs t’ put away supplies.”

“That can wait.” snarled Logan moving his hands to Remy’s ass and squeezing. Remy moaned at the possessive action. Taking this as another invitation Logan kisses him once again, before scooping Remy up off his feet and setting him over his shoulder. Logan had one arm resting against his rear, and the other wrapped around his legs he made sure Remy was secure, before he bounded up the near by stairs. Remy lifted his face out Logans back laughing slightly. This was great fun he grabs Logan’s ass cheeks as they started up the stairs. He loved the feel his lover’s muscles tightening with each springing step.

 

To Be Continued


	2. Brothers on a rampage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Scott get drunk after swearing off women. This happens after Alex gets dumped by Laura, and Scott is going through a divorce drunken destruction and women bashing take place after leaving the bar.
> 
> Warning: this is the chapter with women bashing, and bad language.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of the X-Men characters. I just like to play with them.

Brothers On A Rampage

 

“God damn Fucking Women!” yelled an angry Alex Summers. His grieving brother sat next to him in the booth they shared. “Blasted bitch! I give her the best damn years of my fucking life, and how dose she repay me?!?” Continues Alex in the same irate voice he looks to his brother who hiccups “by ordering a divorce, and sleeping with your best friend?” Alex snorted, and rose an arm signaling for two more beers even though his brother is past drunk. “How does she repay me? By casting me to the fucking curb!.” Alex continued on like Scott had never answered him. He stops talking with a snort as their beers arrive; grabbing a can he drinks it down in one gulp. “For all I care women can all become Fucking lesbians”

Scott nods his head to this drunkenly in agreement reaching for the other can almost spilling it as he does so.

“Then there’s your ex-wife the fucking bitch dumping you like that when a younger man comes along, and that younger man being a good friend of yours.”

Scott’s eyes flash with anger. “She can die for all I care.” His voice came out in a slur he gulped down his beer in one gulp just like his brother had.

“Women I hate them, even the thought of one makes me pissed!” yelled Alex.

“All woman do is brake your heart” said his very gloomy brother. Just as Scott gets this out a women walks in the door of the bar. “Here comes one of those fucking bitches now, Women! I am so fed up with them!” snarled Alex.

The women who entered looked in the direction of his voice since there were not many in the bar his voice carried.

“What are you looking at you fucking whore? Haven’t you seen two men talk before, fucker?! Or, are you looking for a show?! If you want it here it is!” Alex leans toward his brother and kisses him hard. “There bitch you got your show! Now leave!”

The women’s eyes got wide she was frozen in place. Alex stands wobbling on his feet and stalks over to her.

“Stop staring bitch!”

“Get away from me!” she goes to swing at him, but Alex catches it, and starts to power up his fists. Scott watches blurry eyed not making a move to stop him. A bouncer out side hears the commotion and rushes in, seeing the man attacking the women he rushes over grabbing Alex by the collar, and drags his sorry drunken ass’s out side, and tosses him into the snow. Then he reenters the bar grabbing Scott who in the mean time had finally got up and was cursing at the top of his lungs. “Out with yah” he lifted Scott off his feet, and pitched him out into the snow. “Stay the FUCK out!” he yells at them, slamming the door closed.

 

The first to stumble up was Alex. Who tried to then help his brother up, “ ass hole, All fucking women better stay away from us!.” Scott leaned heavily on Alex and nodded he didn’t even realize he had been thrown.

“That’s right Alex! They don’t have a (hick) bouncer to protect them now! (hick)”

“That’s right bro!” he kisses his brothers lips. Scott moans into the kiss soon his brother broke the kiss “Let’s go get some whisky.”

 

They took a step together, and stumbled reaching their arms out to catch them selves against a dumpster. “Hey there’s Lora!” yells Alex pointing somewhere in front of them. He pushes away from Scott, and runs over to her, “How dare you?! You fucking bitch! Dump me out on to the street! Oh, you think your so smart?!” to any one who might be passing, Alex would look nuts talking to a wall. “You tell her bro teach her a lesson!” yelled Scott seeing the same hallucination as his brother. “Fucker!” yells Alex as he punches at his hallucination, fist slamming into the wall. “Fuck!” he pulls his fist back “How dare you, fucking bitch!” he powers up his fists and blasts the wall that he thinks is Lora. “That will teach that bitch!“ he walks to his brother. “I found some one else,” he yells as he reaches down and strokes his brothers crotch and kisses him, again. He breaks the kiss and lets his hand drop to his side. “Let’s go.”

They continue on there way, stumbling as they go Alex’s fist bleeding leaving a trail in the snow. A woman looks out the hole in her wall confused; she had been taking a bath after a hard days work, and now she was getting a draft from outside. She just sits there, in the tub, blinking at the hole.

 

The brothers stumbled to a liquor shop or what they think is a liquor shop. “Hey man where is the whisky?”

“The liquor shop is next door” Replies the man at the counter.

“Give us the fucking whisky! I know your hiding it!”

Scott grab his brother’s arm, and pulls him outside noticing the worried look on the clerks face, and the gun the man had his hand on. Scott kissed his brother once outside to quiet him down. “Thee the liquor store is over there the dude wasn’t lying.” He slurred against his brothers lips, he pointed with one hand at the near by building.

“Good then lets go!” Alex licked his brothers lower lip before pulling away from him, and stumbling to the right door. Alex was the first to see the casher his brother had taken longer to get moving in the right direction. “Fuck this street has been taken over by women!”

Scott pushed passed his brother, and walked up to the counter, “I want (hick) hard whisky.”

“Sir, I think you have had quite enough, to drink tonight.”

“Bitch! Give me the fucking whisky!”

“Sir, calm down or I will have to call the police.”

“Fuck the police” Scott yelled in a slur flinging his fist drunkenly.

Just then a loud crash drew their attention to Alex had fallen over, and knocked over a crate with him. “Sir, you two will have to pay for that.”

“Fuck payment let’s (hick) go, Alex.”

Alex stood up with some trouble, and grabbed the only unbroken bottle in the mess.

They made there way out side, inside (if they were paying attention) the counter lady is calling the police.

“What kind is it? I cant read it Scott.”

“Its to blurry, it says lemon flavored (hick)-ela.” A siren can be heard in the background.

“Let’s open it Scott.”

Scott grabbed the lid of the bottle a twisted with a pop the lid came off and they took turns taking swigs from it.

A patrol car pulls up in front of them stopping the boys in their tracks. A cop steps out hand on its gun, “Fuck! They sent a women cop!” yells Alex. “Gentlemen, put your hands up! I need to take you down town, to cool off for the night!”

“Fuck downtown!” Alex grabs the cop, and throws her against the car she hadn’t been fast enough to draw her gun. The force of the impact knocked her out. Scott kicks the slumped police woman that Alex had let fall to the ground. Scott then proceeds to open his pants and pee on the police car, when he was done he kicks the cop one last time .

He turns away, and walks to where his brother was leaning into a light pole he had stumbled to needing to lean on something. A smirk was on Alex lips he had drained most of the alcohol. He hands what’s left to his brother who almost drops it. Scott chugs down what left of the fluid then chucks the bottle at a passing pedestrian who just happens to be a woman; the bottle hits her in the head knocking her out as well.

“Lets start for home.” Says Scott, and he walks to his left he was leaning to the side heavily, and was barely able to stay on his feet.

“Yeah, let’s.” Alex nods, and walks to his right.

“Alex your headed in the wrong direction. Oh, that’s right its this way.” Scott turns around, and follows Alex.

 

They were half way back to the mansion, when Alex pushes Scott down on some stairs. “Lets show all the women we don’t care about them,” he kisses his brother with force, and reaches into his brothers still unzipped pants “Mmm, your hard for me.” his brother moans at his touch kissing his brother back clumsily.

“I think, Alex, that we should hurry, and get home.” Scott slurred against his brothers lips. His brother groaned, but got up. He helped Scott to his feet, but all most knocking him to the cement in his hurry.

“Lets go home then.” They walked down the street kissing and groping each other as they went, both Ignorant to any odd stares from the few that were out at that late hour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't feel bad about woman bashing, and I`m a woman. This chapter had me and my friend in stitches as we wrote it. This is the only chapter that has a co-author.


	3. Fun in the Kitchen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott and Alex stumble home and into the kitchen, and find the mayonnaise.
> 
> Logan and Remy hear groaning and grunting from down stairs, and it drives them on.
> 
> Warning: this chapter has food play in it. If you don't like the thought of mayonnaise being used in sexual games don't read this. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men and am making no money off this. I just like to play with the characters.

(At the end of Last Chapter)  
“I think, Alex, that we should hurry, and get home.” Scott slurred against his brothers lips. His brother groaned, but got up. He helped Scott to his feet, but all most knocking him to the cement in his hurry.

“Lets go home then.” They walked down the street kissing and groping each other as they went, both Ignorant to any odd stares from the few that were out at that late hour.  
(end)  
~;'~

 

The two drunken brothers Stumble into the X-men mansion kitchen just about the time the two lovers Logan Remy bound up the stairs. “Hay look Alex some one left out the Mayo” slurred Scott. “We could have fun with that” replied Alex. “fuck yah Alex.” 

Alex moved in behind Scott grabbing his ass cheek’s and squeezing. “Take off your shirt Scott” his voice ruff with desire, his brother reaches down, and drunkenly fumbles with the buttons. “No do it like this!!” Alex reaches around his brother grabs each sides of the shirt yanking the shirt open buttons scatter every where Alex tosses the shirt to the ground. Then walks around to face Scott pushing him against the table kissing him hard witch drew a moan from Scott.

~~~~~Logan/Remy~~~~~

 

Logan and Remy had been half way up the stairs when the brothers came home making Remy drop his hand from Logan’s ass. “Remy tink some one came home” “harrumph” growled Logan dropping Remy to his feet. “Kiss me Remy who cares if someone came in.” Remy gasped his eyes glowing with passion he leaned in, and kissed him softly shy now that he thinks someone else is home. “No harder” growled Logan, “lets get to your room cher then Remy will give it to you harder.” To show what exactly he meant he thrust his clothed erection into Logan’s thigh. Logan gave a frustrated growl and blindly fumbled for his door opening it with trouble kissing Remy with hunger once it was open.

~~~~~Scott/Alex~~~~~

Down stairs Scott and Alex are having a little fun of their own. Alex has started spreading Mayo all over Scott’s chest, and was using his tongue to lick it off.

Scott moaned, and ran his hands over Alex’s shoulders. In response his brother nibbles at one of his brothers nipples he pulls his mouth back puffing hot moist breath against his brothers skin. “Mmm Scott I want to be inside you taking you” Scott shivered at the sensation of his brothers breath, and his words. “Then take me” Alex reaches down, and stroke’s Scotts cock “oh I will.” Scott moans very loud with pleaser his moan carries up stairs to the other two lovers who stood in the now open door way. 

~~~~~Remy/Logan~~~~~

Remy stepped back into Logans bedroom tugging Logan with him Logan has time to kick the door closed, before Remy proceeds to take control pushing Logan down on the bed. He then springs on top of Logan’s relaxed form. He slams his mouth down hard on Logan’s while he slides his hand down between them, and starts stroking Logan’s erect cock through his shorts.

Remy drew Logan’s tongue into his mouth, where he proceeded to suck, and nibble on it. Logan pulls out of the kiss panting groaning slightly. “I want you naked, and inside me.” “Tut tut so impatient mon ami it is better if one takes time no?” Logan grabs Remy’s shirt, and rips it off in response. Both freeze in the next moment as loud moans finally penetrates their room. “Mmm cher I think some one else is getting a little action”. Logan listens for a moment longer then growls, the noises maid him even more turned on. His hands start running over Remy’s chest “much better” he mumbles. Remy moans forgetting about the noises coming from some unknown source. Logan pinches his nipples hard. “Your mine and only mine” Logan said possessively.

~~~~~Alex/Scott~~~~~

Down stairs thing’s are really starting to heat up both men are naked their clothing flung all about the kitchen. Scott is pushed against the table moaning as Alex coats his cock with mayo making sure every inch is covered. Lowering himself to his knees Alex takes the head of Scott’s cock into his mouth he swirls his tongue all around the tip cleaning it then takes all of his cock in his mouth tongue moving over the length getting all the mayo off. 

~~~~~Remy/Logan~~~~~

Up stairs Remy was basically doing the same thing to Logan only with out the Mayo. Logan was panting “I want you to be inside me” He tried to pull Remys mouth of his length. Remy suckled for a moment longer before pulling his mouth off him with a pop. “All right mon ami I half to prep first” 

Remy moved off and away from Logan so his lover could turn over for him. Remy reaches for the tube of lube sitting on the nightstand. Logan presses his cock into the mattress moaning in pleasure. Remy pushes some lube onto his fingers coating them he brings them to his lovers cleft letting them rest there. Logan growls wiggling his ass wanting him to hurry, Remy gives a cocky grin and presses against his opening.

Logan arches onto the fingers his lovers mouth moves to press against his ear. “For such a big man your so tight” purred Remy. The two fingers he had inside his lover started to make scissoring motions. He soon adds another finger wanting to move things along a little faster the noises his lover where making had him loosing control. He twisted his fingers inside him then groaned as Logan bucked into his fingers crying out as Remy hit his prostate. “Fuck Remy I want you in side me now.” “mmm.. yes mon ami you will not half to wait much longer.” Remy withdrew his fingers, and grabbed some more lube so he could start lubricating his dripping erection·

~~~~~Scott/Alex~~~~~

Down stairs Scott is screaming at his brother to hurry his preparation along for he needed him now. “Shh I’m almost done” slurred Alex as he removed his fingers from inside his brother and started to coat his cock as fast as he could. Alex forced him to spread his legs even further and to leaning over the table further. 

Alex positioned his cock at his brother’s entrance he thrust into his brother to the hilt quickly causing Scott to cry out in pain and pleasure. He didn’t give his brother any time to adjust he started to thrust in quick movements. Scott winced in pain then cried out his brother’s name as his prostate started to be hit with each thrust. Being drunk out of their minds nether were going to last long. Alex pumped harder once, twice his cock twitched then erupted inside his brother, Scott screamed at the feeling of his brother cumming he followed him over into climax. Alex wasn’t even able to pull out of his brother he passed out taking Scott down to the kitchen floor with him. 

~~~~~Logan/Remy~~~~~

Up stairs Remy was just about to penetrate Logan “mm chère that’s it open for Remy.” He pushed forward slowly once in all the way he stopped giving his lover time to adjust. He groaned at the heat that engulfed him. “Move” growled Logan clenching around him. Remy gasped in response, and started thrusting in and out at a slow pace.

Logan groaned and rutted against the bed in time with Remys thrusts, but soon the slow pace wasn’t enough he clenched around Remys cock trying to make him loose control. Remy cried out at the intensity of the pressure he started to thrust harder and faster. 

“mmm ma chère I Love being in side you.” “So close” muttered Logan Remy was close as well, he reached a hand between Logan and the mattress and started to stroke him. The sheets where wet with his pre. This was too much for Logan and his stiffened with a horse cry his hips bucking slightly as he exploded over Remys hand and on the sheets. Remy gasped as Logan's ass clenched and relaxed around his cock, he thrust in once more his hand still pumping his lovers cock as he came. His seed filled Logan up he stayed inside his lover until the twitching in his cock stopped then he slowly withdrew, and rolled collapsing beside him on the bed. Logan rolled over pulling Remy to his chest and both men drifted off to sleep.

~~~~~everyone~~~~~

Remy awoke around dawn, and sifted out of Logans arms who in response muttered something in his sleep, and slowly opened his eyes “what?” he asked confused “Remy’s hungry Love.” Logan chuckled under his breath at once more alert to what was going on. “Oh I forgot you didn’t get to eat yesterday I’m hungry myself lets go down, and eat some breakfast” the two lovers got dressed climbed down the stairs to the kitchen. 

When they reached the kitchen a shocking sight met their eyes. The food they had left out was knocked all over the floor and table. Clothes littered the ground at their feet and there on the floor in front of the table was Scott and Alex nude. Remy made a choked sound in his throat Logan tuned on the light to get a better look of the damage in the kitchen. “turn down the fucking lights” came a voice filed with pain. Logan glowered Remy shook himself getting himself over the surprise. “Alex Remy dink you should get up, and get dressed before da kids come down for classes” Alex head lifted a little he squinted at the Cajun “keep your voice down.” Logan growled “You had better get up get this place cleaned up before the kids arrive or the professor will hear of this, come on Remy I think we should go out to breakfast” “yah chère Remy think so to” he leaned into Logan wrapping an arm about him he and Logan turned to leave. “and you two don’t forget to get dressed” muttered Logan over his shoulder to the two brothers, who where holding their heads because of a hangover.

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter made my beta shudder. I still am not sure where inspiration came from for this one. My mind scares me some times.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was wrote a long time ago,and was posted on adult archive. I decided to bring here because I stopped using the other site. This was beta read by Mutakan


End file.
